So You Want to Be Rich

After I wised up and quit college, I installed skylights in giant houses in Berkeley, California. I still can't believe I did that way up there without a net. It didn't last long but it gave me a chance to experience entrepreneurship. Getting a job with an established business is one thing, being your own boss from scratch is something else.

With all the layoffs lately, a few people are probably ready to write their own paychecks, pursuing a dream that has seemed too risky for years. I know there were lots of times when I would have welcomed a regular paycheck instead of dealing with all the decisions and responsibilities that come with owning our own business. But the pride of ownership is the other side of the coin.

I've had a few great ideas for a new business but farming was already there with a lot of things tried and failed by others. Here are some of those ideas I throw out there for others to try because I'm too old to start myself: Cud. I've never been much of a gum chewer. It seemed like kind of a waste to do all that chewing and then not swallow any food. But then to each his own, right? Cud is my idea for an alternative chewing gum. It could be alfalfa flavored, or grass or a mix. It could come wrapped like little hay bales. There could be commemorative editions with a larger package in the back of a Ford or Dodge pickup. And the ones in the Chevy would have a light working on only one side.

Not only would Cud be more chewy than regular gum, it could be fibrous and packed with vitamins and minerals. It has been shown that cavemen had straighter teeth than modern people. This is attributed to the more vigorous chewing required by the less processed food of those primitive times. I expect that the Orthodontist Association will try to lobby for bans on Cud in order to preserve their business. This, and other challenges yet to be discovered will make this product launch difficult. But the long term benefits of Cud will make it a winner. I believe.

The First Piece. We've all experienced the difficulty of getting that first piece of cake out of the pan without messing up the frosting or making it misshapen. The First Piece is a fake first piece of cake made of some heat resistant material. It goes in the corner or end of the pan and has a little handle on top so it can easily be lifted out. Then a spatula can slide right under the next piece and out she comes, no problem. It could also be used in lasagna if it is not made of some material like cast iron that reacts to tomato sauce.

One great marketing scheme would be through culinary programs in schools such as Hampton's “Pro Start” with an individualized logo on top. A very successful example of this is Francis Bellamy, the socialist minister and flag salesman who originated the Pledge of Allegiance. Using his example, who would want to limit their upside potential by having a regular job or going on welfare?

The Keloid Studio. The third idea is the one that could easily make someone a multi-billionaire. This one comes with the risk of being blamed for everything. As we see today billionaires are terrible people who steal and cheat everyone else out of their rightful piece of the pie. A choice has to be made. Do you want to be hated for being successful and learn to live with the guilt, or do you want to languish in a dull, drab existence with that monster truck or yacht club membership being an unachievable dream?

If you've chosen to be evil and selfish, The Keloid Studio is the best path. Piercings and tattoos are not just for pirates anymore. Even lawyers and surgeons have them. A robber would be dumb to want such an identifiable feature, but then, thieves are often dumb.

Keloids take tattoos to another level: 3D tattoos. They are scars that, in cultures of Africa, Australia, and ancient Aztec and Maya, were produced by cutting the skin, then applying wood ashes. They could be used to produce 3D images of balloons or chubby cheeks, even a hot dog.

Observe the history of economic trends and how they, if analyzed correctly, can be turned into gold mines. Tattoos and piercings are right up there with giant pickups and sneakers worn with suits. It's time to get on board, no matter what the envious socialists say.

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