18 Summers, 108 Weekends, and the Gym

“Your children will become who you are, so be who you want them to be. ” - David Bly

I’ve seen this thing floating around the internet, the idea that you only get 18 summers with your kids. Just 216 summer weekends.

But if you're a parent who shares custody, like my husband and I, that number gets cut in half. About 108 weekends in 18 years.

And when you stop to really think about all the time you don’t get with your child... Well, it can feel more bitter than sweet to realize their final summer at home is coming to an end.

That’s where I’m at this week. My oldest, Arianna, heads off to college soon. (Go Tritons!) 

We’ve done a pretty good job soaking up summer together, even with her work schedule. She had to miss our family vacation this year because of her job, but we’ve made sure to find other adventures, and those little adventures have a way of reminding me what life is really about.

There’s something absolutely magical about getting the kids together, strapping on helmets, and taking the four-wheelers for a ride. Or watching them splash in the water on a lazy summer afternoon.

It’s wild, and honestly, pretty cool, to see how quickly they grow, physically, emotionally, and mentally, when you just get to be with them.

It’s like those one-on-one summer moments let them grow faster than they do when they’re juggling school, sports, and everyday life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for my kids to get back into their school routines. I think

structure is important, we love our teachers, and school is a great place for them to learn and

Thrive.

But I’ll miss them at home. Especially the oldest, she won’t come back after eight hours of learning. She’ll go back to her dorm, or to work... maybe cheer practice or out with friends. She will have a complete life separate from us.

It’ll feel like a small missing piece. I’ll feel every day until winter break, when she may come back to stay awhile. So lately, I’ve been making a point to take every chance I can for extra one-on-one time, including letting her tag along on my daily gym trips.

At first, it felt like I was giving up my only quiet time. But I quickly realized she’s more like me than I remembered. She likes the quiet, too. She doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence with

conversation the way her siblings do.

And don’t get me wrong, I love both of those qualities in all my kids. But when you’re aiming for peace, it’s nice when that peace continues. She gets it.

I’ve also realized she keeps me motivated, a kind of motivation that really defines parenting

entirely. 

It’s not just the push to keep up with her at the gym (which, I’m proud to say, I can).

It’s the days I don’t feel like getting up and going... but then she asks, “Are we meeting at the

gym after work?”

And just like that, I go. Because she’s going. Because I don’t want her to feel awkward walking in alone.

So I show up for her.

And in the process, I end up showing up for myself, too.

And maybe that’s the whole point of parenting: not just raising humans who are stronger, kinder, and better than you are or were at their age... but becoming better yourself, too. Better for them.

Amanda Rink is the Editor of The Wright County Monitor and a children’s book author. When she isn’t caring for her family, writing for the newspaper, or avoiding laundry, she can be found hiding in the woods with a cup of coffee and a romance novel.