Age of the Geek: Primary shakedown Part II

    Okay, before I head out to San Diego, as promised, here’s the counter-column to my Republican run-down.
    But first, because 12 apparently wasn’t enough, let’s take a look at the two new entries to the Republican race that have decided to run since my last column.
Bobby Jindal
    I almost feel bad for this guy.
    Jindal hit the national stage in 2009 when the GOP became desperate to show people that they weren’t exclusively the party of old white guys. However, his response to President Obama’s address to Congress was panned by both sides of the aisle, and Jindal hasn’t done much to endear himself to anybody since then.
    Even if he were popular among Republicans, which he’s not, Jindal’s abysmal track record in governing Louisiana would cripple him in the general election.
 
Chris Christie
    Speaking of guys that don’t endear themselves, Chris Christie has also thrown his hat into the ring.
    Of the now 14 contestants in the GOP race, Christie is, in theory, the most likely candidate to upset Jeb Bush. His short temper and bluntness make him extremely popular with the masses, and when he’s not yelling at people, he’s proven to be a pragmatic leader.
    Unfortunately for Christie, he attracts controversy like no other. The man inevitably self-destructs and his reputation as a bully may serve him well as the Governor of New Jersey, but it’s doubtful he’ll see the same benefit in the general election.
    So with those two out of the way, let’s move on to the Democrats. Don’t expect much for snark though. Unlike their Republican counterparts, these candidates don’t have shows on Fox News or a long history of high profile political gaffes to pick on. They are, for the most part, a bunch of boring, low key, politicians.
    As far as comedic value goes, they just don’t supply much to work with.
Lincoln Chafee
    First up is Lincoln Chafee, who was as liberal as a Republican could be until he defected to the Democratic Party in 2007. Though reasonably leftist by today’s standards, one could presume that Chafee will be running a centrist campaign. It’s hard to say whether or not that will work out to his advantage. Switching parties didn’t seem to do Joe Lieberman any favors, but maybe it works better the other way around.
Martin O’Malley
    O’Malley was once the chair of Hillary Clinton’s campaign in Maryland during the 2008 primary. Today the former Maryland governor is striking out on his own. Strong on financial reform, immigration reform, and gun control, O’Malley hits all the right notes for the left side of the aisle.
    It’d be interesting to see how strong he holds on to these positions once in the White House, but it’s not likely that we’ll get a chance.
Jim Webb
    Military veteran. Journalist and screenwriter. Once came dangerously close to punching George W. Bush in the face. The more I read about Webb the more I like him.
    The former Virginia senator seems like a pretty OK guy and I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to seeing him in the White House, but the fact is that I never heard of the guy, or any of the previous two, before starting this column.
Bernie Sanders
    Last, but not least, is the one other Democratic candidate you might have heard of.
    If the president were selected based on which individual most closely matches the policy preferences of the general population, Bernie Sanders would win fairly decisively. Statistically speaking, the political views of the self-described socialist are more closely in tune with the average American than any other candidate.
    This should come as no surprise. Sanders does what most of us think we would do if we had an opportunity to speak before Congress. Tell them all how ineffective and corrupt they all are, loudly and frequently.
    It’s a testament to how broken our election system is that the very qualities that align Sanders with the majority of the population are the same ones that make him a nearly unwinnable candidate.
    Personally, I’d love to see a Sanders presidency, but I’d also love to see a proper Terminator sequel. That doesn’t mean either of those things are going to happen.
Hillary Clinton
    In the end, this race will most likely come down to Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush.
    Bush, unlike most of his competition in the primary, has the advantage of being a well known Republican without carrying the baggage of the last eight years. Being relatively inactive since 2007, he’s never gone on a hunt for birth certificates nor has he relentlessly and ineffectively opposed Obamacare. While most of his opponents can claim a portion of responsibility for the decline of the Republican brand since Obama took office, Bush’s biggest issue is distancing himself from the baggage of his bother’s time in the White House.
    And on the other side there’s Hillary. Like her or not, here she comes. As a former First Lady, Senator and Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton is, on paper, one of the most experienced and qualified people to ever run for president. There won’t be any “community organizer” criticisms this time around.
    Clinton may come with more baggage than a Delta flight, but that has always been the case and it’s never slowed her down. The GOP has been throwing everything they have at her for years because they can read the writing on the wall. If Hillary runs, she will win.
    She may have announced her candidacy in April, but she’s been the frontrunner in this race since 2012.
    Travis Fischer is a news writer for Mid-America Publishing and will be out of the state before this column sees print.